Day 28 // Deity?

I just wanted to pop on and say that I believe I have had my very first exchange with a deity. I'm so thrilled and excited. I'm trying to keep it inside because I don't want to overdo it with melodrama ;P

I decided to work through a Hermetic exercise I read in Jason Augustus' Book "The New Hermetics" for finding or defining, rather, your inner teacher. Aside from being completely assimilated within my inner space and amongst the elementals, which was quite trippy, I went searching to define my inner teacher and found Cerridwen. At the time, I knew Cerridwen was Celtic and possibly dark, but I wasn't sure of much more than that since I have spent most of my time reading about Brigid and Tailtiu.

Anyways, I felt excellent about it and even more so to find out she's a Welsh Goddess when I had already felt drawn tothe names Arianrhod and Elen. After reading a bit, I'm not really sure what to think.

In other news, Elemental Water was too emotional to chat much but listened, while Elemental Air asked for marshmallows and feathers. LOL. I must be losing my mind!! :P

Day 18 // The Adalaim Pantheon

Before I get to the heavy stuff, let me mention that my grimoire is nearly done. I've added studs, experimented with some air-dry/bake clay to add decor and effects.. . I'm thinking I'll place it out in the full moon tomorrow night (*here's to no rain*) among the pink flowers in my backyard and I will consider it attuned to the elements and ready for ritual introduction. It's been a lot of work but totally worth it!

Lastly, I've been deeply troubled by my pantheon (or rather lack thereof). I have meditated daily, waited for signs and dreams and have received no recognition of "whom" I should be making offerings too. In the beginning I've been saying "Lord and Lady" and to be honest, it's just not cutting it. It's impersonal and I believe names have power. While I'm not a feminist, I still began looking for my "main" Goddess to identify with. Trust me, I don't have anything against Gods. But as a mother and a wife and as a daughter.. I figured it would be easier to start there. .. .. and I've had no luck.

I started looking at cultures. I identify with the Celtic because I'm from a VERY heavy Irish background but if I believe that names have power (which I do).. I need to be able to pronounce the names.. and Gaelic.. quite frankly. ... is kicking my ass. I lose myself reading Irish folklore trying to pronounce all the names that I forget to enjoy the story. I also identify with Shinto, because I lived in Japan for a time and loved it, completely fell in love and went to Shinto shrines for festivals yearly. However, most of the Shinto belief is steeped in the idea that Japan is sacred and while I wouldn't disagree.. I can't really.. do much about it.. from Bible Belt, USA. The land here is.. well.. almost ugly (*wince*) to me and I feel like I don't belong here in this place.. therefore it's hard to connect it to the Japanese divine.

Aside from that, I'm realizing there's an undercurrent of commonality among cultures. They chose deities for similar, if not identical, concepts. Therefore, the culture matters not, because the divine is universal and all encompassing. Those people created those stories and those names for their Gods/desses because that's what made since in their language to them. *sigh*

This is what I was looking for:

• ancient or at least considered ancient by that pantheon's terms
• a name I could pronounce and moved through me like the vibration of a perfectly tuned bell when I said it
• of the elements, fire, earth, air, water...

That last bit is important. That's right.. I don't identify with the Goddess of Healing or the God of War. Can't help it. Therefore, I would rather work with personifications of the elements. So, tonight I decided I would create my own pantheon. It includes Egyptian, Greek, and Fiji/Polynesian/Hawaiian, and .. me. Yup, you read that right.. I'm making me part of the pantheon.

Okay, so I'm not going to worship me with a mirror.. I'm not vain lol. Hear me out.. I want to include Spirit and I think it would make sense that my soul, my consciousness, my flaws and my talents would best represent the spirit in my workings... because it is me... a being of the elements, of the universe.. a product of the divine energy that has created everything, feeds everything and returns from everything. Being therefore part of the divine.. makes my energy divine. Therefore the Goddess of Spirit.. would be .. .. me.

My heart feels most at peace with what I've decided tonight and that's what matters most, right? :)